I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
