Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
