Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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