he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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