He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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