ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
