If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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