3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
