On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
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You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
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For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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