I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
