Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
