I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
be right there i have to get my cape
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
