so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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