I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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