Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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