you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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