No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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