Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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