So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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