Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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