Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
