I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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