Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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