I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
