can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
only if we run a train.
done.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
