Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
