he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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