I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
