cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
