we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
