Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
