Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
