you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
