Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
