come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My cat gives me a boner
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
