First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
