oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
