with your own penis?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
