You're so nebulous sometimes
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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