So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I have aggressive nipples.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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