Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
