and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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