We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
