you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize