Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
we're making bets on your personal life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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