mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
