I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
