Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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