he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
