also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
you had me at cake vodka
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
