it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
