it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
