I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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