is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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