she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
