i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
