Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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