So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
