Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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