Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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