if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
