guys are not supposed to queef...right?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
