My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
