I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
These tits shall not be calmed
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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