You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
