I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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