I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
