why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
