I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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