Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
