i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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