If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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