Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
