evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
