i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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