someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
