If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
