he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
