Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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