fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
